Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Hole in My Soul..

On the night of June 11th, I have slept in agony. My lower back was hurting like hell. I tried to get some good night's sleep, trying everything to make it at least comfortable. By the time I woke up, I cannot get up, not even sit up. Went to the doctor and found out I have another case of Urinary Tract Infection. This health issue has been propping several times now in a span of like five years, confirming that I have further problems with my kidney. I long since planned to have a visit to the doctor due to some recurring symptoms which I think might point to serious problems. And nature has done its work, I was made to go through several tests. The ultrasound showed that I have Myoma... a tumor of unknown origin. And since the mass is too small, I am not qualified to undergo surgical operation. Since the problem is hormonal, it'll either eventually vanish or grow humongous. Of course, the issue got me reading. And I found out that when your estrogen levels is reduced, that'll be the time the tumor also reduces in size. This reduction of hormonal 'echos' is caused by Menopausal Period. Whoa! There's still a lot to come. I was not subjected to some other tests since my biological conditions prevents me from having so.

On that day, before heading to the doctor's I dropped by my mom's place to get some things. I remembered I forgot to bring a book... that I need to pass the dreaded hours of waiting. I rummaged through my sister's things and found 'Mending Your Soul' by Ramesh Richard. I honestly found it funny... that time. The first thought that crossed my mind was 'REPENT and DIE'.

Just this morning, turning on my working PC unit for several days of absence, I played some music. With playlist shuffle turned on, the first to come was the song 'Wherever You Will Go' by the Calling.

The song, amazingly has its lyrics with it. Seeming to taunt me with the reminder of death...

So lately, I've been wonderin Who will be there to take my place When I'm gone, you'll need love To light the shadows on your face If a great wave should fall It would fall upon us all And between the sand and stone Could you make it on your own

If I could, then I would I'll go wherever you will go Way up high or down low I'll go wherever you will go And maybe, I'll find out The way to make it back someday To watch you, to guide you Through the darkest of your days If a great wave should fall It would fall upon us all Well I hope there's someone out there Who can bring me back to you

Runaway with my heart Runaway with my hope Runaway with my love I know now, just quite how My life and love might still go on In your heart and your mind I'll stay with you for all of time [Chorus] If I could turn back time I'll go wherever you will go If I could make you mine I'll go wherever you will go

A case of Paranoia!


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