Thursday, February 5, 2009

Cruel

The days after the New Year passed by in a blurry whirl, intoxicating... deathly

Death. Yes, death.

"Life doesn't give a flying f*ck. It tortures whoever she lays her
eyes upon. And whatever hell comes your way, quit bitchin'. That's life!"
~Aweng, Life's a Bitch, the Human Race a Whore, Death is?

It's been long time.

Torturous..

Arriving home from an extended New Year celebration, I was welcomed with the news that my Tatay was rushed to the hospital due to a stroke.

It has been almost a month now.. And he has yet to come awake or is this 'our' presumption?

After some days, my mama told me that the family was already meeting. Doc said my Tatay was a 50-50 case and was offering the choice to unplug the machines or let him be.

Aweng, sentimental and often half-crazed, found herself talking to herself...
Which is crueler? Death or Life?

And she came up with an answer...
Aweng is the cruelest.

I found myself praying for my Tatay to die. This, I thought was the best.

But then, my Tatay was transferred from Davao Doctors' Hospital to DMC. And one day, I got the chance to go and visit. I saw him for the first time. Bed-ridden, in a sleep in which he's been for days after the stroke. My heart was crushed... as if my throat was closing in... while fighting the tears, my Aunt- Te Helen came in and talked to Tatay. Miraculously, my Tatay seemed to respond. Nanay came in... caressing his arms, talking to him, soothing him, telling him to get well so he could get back home.

Home...

The machines that was thought keeping him alive was soon gotten rid of... one by one... and by the time his fever subsided, he was off to get back to his own house made lively and irritating at the same time by the lot of his noisy great grand children.

It's been more than a week that he is home. His condition, which I find rare, has paralyzed half of his body and that's from the waist up. He can't see. He's fed through his nose. He's being nursed
by Nanay 24/7 with the aid of the rest of the family.

But he can hear... and nobody knows if he comprehends what he hears...

It was cruel to have given up on him.

He must have loved each and everyone of us that much to have that unsurpassed strength and willpower to overstep death.

And be with us... until his body gives up on him.

Love you tay...

1 Comment:

  1. Jayvee said...
    Te wengi, any updates about tatay? -jv-

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